When I was in eighth grade, my mother went back to work full time. Before that, she had been mostly a stay at home mom, but that year my dad was laid off from his job at a steel mill (a calamitous event with ripples that continue to affect him and, in odd ways, me) and my mom found a job as a receptionist at a life insurance firm.
This left my dad at home in the mornings, responsible for getting us to school. For who-knows-how-many days and days and days, I was late to school. Every. single. morning. By ten or fifteen minutes. I'd show up to my pre-algebra class, note in hand---the note I wrote and that Dad signed before I got out of the car---and then slink to my seat, face flushed with embarrassment. One day, when I again walked in late, the teacher groaned loudly, shook his head, and said "aren't you ever going to come to school on time?"
I don't think there's a name for the color of scarlet I blushed.
I thought of that experience this morning. I had raced to get my kids to school, almost-late as usual. I am not as bad as my dad was, but only by the skin of my teeth: I usually get them to school with a generous two or three minutes to spare before the bell rings. But let's be honest here. I am not the most punctual person you'll ever meet. I am always running late, always stressed the last few minutes, barely making it, counting seconds and cursing under my breath at slow drivers and badly-timed red lights.
Haley has, fortunately, managed to inherit her father's punctuality. She hates to be late for anything, and my constant-lateness is a source of constant irritation to her. Jake and Nathan are more like me: slow to get going in the morning. It doesn't bother them to arrive at school with only a few moments to spare. The person it does bother, though, is the girl we carpool with. Her mom called this morning, when I was out running errands after dropping off the carpool, to (very gently) complain at my lack of punctuality.
What could I say? Other than melt down into a puddle of embarrassment (that unnameable scarlet color of humiliated blush all over again) right there in the middle of the juice aisle at Target? There is no reason or excuse I can offer other than my general pathetic-ness. I mean, come on: I am a grown woman. What is wrong with me that I can't pull it together enough to leave on time? Maybe that's why I remembered that morning in junior high so vividly today: can I offer up my childhood as reason enough? I'm late because my dad was always late?
Of course not. I am the only one to blame. I am far too old to blame my parents or to not take personal responsibility. Sure, there is extenuating stuff I could argue about, attempting to push the blame onto someone else: the fact that the boys quite often don't get their stuff together the night before, or that there always seems to be some last-minute crisis (this morning it was Kaleb thinking he neeeeeeeeeeded some Motrin even though there wasn't anything wrong with him, or that maybe the Other Parent in the house could get off the computer and come help me. I can't even blame it on Jake, who is maddeningly slow in the mornings, slower even than I, because he is the kid. If he's slow and late all the time, it's because I've taught him to be slow and late by my example. It is my flaw, manifesting it self in him. And that really is what is bothering me, in the end: I am feeling like we are all doomed to keep repeating our parents' mistakes, over and over.
On the radio this morning, there was a psychologist talking about lying. He said that people who are habitual, chronic liars are just like drug addicts, and that they won't stop lying until the lying brings about a personal moral crisis (like losing a spouse or a job as a direct result of the lying). Once a bad habit or addictive tendency starts to affect other people in your life, it's time to do something about it. Maybe that's what I had on my cell phone in Target: a personal moral crisis over always being late. Through my flood of embarrassment I saw very clearly how my failure has affected the people in my life, but it took the threat of losing my carpool to get the clarity.
Here's the thing, though: deep down, I'm not sure I believe people can change. I want to believe that I can be better in the mornings and get the kids to school earlier. I want to be a better example and I want desperately to not pass my punctuality issues on to my children. Deep down I am not sure that is possible. But I am going to try.
Obviously the universe has pointed out what my new year's resolution should be.
This is a late post because I ran out of time yesterday. It’s also not on any of the subjects that I usually cover. Instead my current iPhone troubles led me to thinking about the state of smartphones and some of the general trends that the industry seems to be leaning towards.
My iPhone randomly turned off last night and hasn’t turned back on yet. I’ve tried charging it, letting it drain, all to no effect. It’s still under warranty so I’ll go and have it checked out at the Apple store tonight. However, being without the handy little device does make me appreciate it more. I also realize just how far these pieces of technology have changed my behaviors in the last few years.
The iPhone was the second cell phone I’ve ever had. My first was a Motorola Razr, which had an extremely slow data connection with a very poor web browser. It could make calls and text just fine, and for a while I figured that was the main purpose of a cell phone so it suited me well enough. I had an iPod for music playing (just a color photo one) and a PSP for playing videos on the go. The number of devices has never really been a problem since I always carried my bag around with me.
The iPhone came out and I jumped on a few months after it was released. There was no app store or any apps other than what came with the phone and web apps, however just having the ability to utilize a real web browser in a phone was pretty useful. Maps also came in handy a number of times when trying to find the nearest store or atm when I was out wandering. After native apps came around and the 3GS was released the phone became even more useful. I can use it to play music, watch video (both on youtube and just copied over), play games, run utilities, and yes, even make phone calls and text messages (now with MMS!). Often when I’m home I will not even bother to take out the laptop and turn it on because I can just as easily reach for my phone and use my home wireless to quickly view web pages or check my email.
I did not miss not having an iPhone before I had one, but now that I have one and it’s broken it drives me crazy. I have to modify my behaviors to get information from other sources instead of that small, easy to use device. I feel the same way about my Kindle. The ability to carry around new books, sync bookmarks with my handy little phone, and read any of my library anywhere is something that makes regular books seem just bland in comparison. I still love regular books, but I’m nearing the point now where if I had the option between reading a physical paper copy or the same book on the Kindle, I’d prefer the Kindle. Having dictionary and wikipedia lookup is just too useful, and so is automatic bookmarks so that I don’t have to keep scraps of paper or worry about losing my place if I need to drop the book quickly.
It is rumored that Apple will be announcing a tablet sometime later this month for availability in March or so. I can’t help but ponder and speculate what they might come up with. I’ve always known that modifications of the computer (which in all honesty is what both the iPhone and Kindle are) would be able to replace many aspects of our current lives as far as information consumption. I have to wonder if there will be a device that will replace my Kindle, Laptop, and perhaps my iPhone just like the iPhone replaced my razr, iPod, and PSP. Granted the form factor will be the most difficult aspect of replacing something like the phone, since if it’s too large to fit in your pocket you won’t want to carry it everywhere like you do with the iPhone. If the screen is too small you won’t want to read on it like you do the kindle, or do any serious writing or more involved apps like you can on a laptop.
Still, many companies have tried pushing the tablet idea and customers haven’t been biting. Apple seems to be good at customer fishing however with the most tasty of bait around. Maybe it’s the fruit origins.
The cell phone industry, especially in the area of touch smart phones, is in an incredible boom right now. Everyone is trying to outdo each other with the newest and greatest little gadget that is faster and with better battery life than their competition. Granted in the US we still have the problem of carrier lock-in and lock-downs (I’m looking at you Verizon). However even some of that is shifting as the carriers lose power to the manufacturers like Apple or Google who are beginning to dictate more and more how their phone can be used rather than the other way around. I imagine someday it will be more common to see less contract-tied plans and slightly more expensive phones that have the flexibility to move between networks. It’s already started a little bit, but the carriers are still too interested in 2-year contracts and don’t seem to be ready to give that up just yet.
So even though my iPhone is currently acting as a very expensive, and lightweight, brick, it does make me reflect that the lose of such an interesting piece of technology and the effect it can have on ones day to day life speaks volumes of where we are today and where we are going in the future of technology.
Rewrite: fix slow computer
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